I think it’s accurate to say at this point that I am generally uncomfortable with having visibly noticeable breast-shapes under my clothes when I am out and about. Sometimes I just suck it up, but most of the time I either just wear slightly baggier clothes than I am otherwise wont to (I am fortunate enough to have a small enough chest for this to be an effective strategy), or I bind if I want to wear clothes that don’t themselves obscure my chest.
A lot of people really hate binders, but I super don’t. My one just kind of feels like an all-day hug, or something, though I suspect that, again, my level of comfort while binding is very much related to the smallish-ness of my breasts in the first place.
Here’s the thing, though: my desire to bind/obscure my cheat in public isn’t actually related to me disliking or generally having any kind of dysphoria around my body. When it’s just me, or just me and people I love and trust, it’s not all that important. The reason I don’t want the natural shape of my chest to be available for public consumption is based not on the chest itself, but on the ways in which I know other people perceive, and ultimately respond to, that shape. It impacts my everyday interactions, (or at least it feels to me like it does, although it is not at all clear to me that the actual change in my body shape is even significant enough for most people to notice) in ways that I can’t actually articulate, since a lot of the time I bind but wear feminine enough clothes that I am still generally perceived as a woman, albeit one with a flat chest. I dunno, maybe that’s enough to actually impact the way people see and engage with me.
Anyway, I have been idly speculating about whether I might ever want chest surgery. And I honestly can’t say either way. As it stands, it’s certainly not a thing that I am enthusiastic about. It would make choosing clothes in the morning way easier – I wouldn’t have to determine what subset of clothes I could choose from based on whether I had a clean binder available or not. But other than that, I’m not sure it would be a great advantage to me?
I mean, there are times when I would prefer to have my chest be flat even unclothed, in ways and for reason that I haven’t really figured out. But there are also times when I just kinda idly cup or jiggle or generally enjoy what I’ve got. So, it’s hard. I can’t have both, so probably I will always tend to err on the side of avoiding all of the administrative and medical hassle and red tape (and GID diagnosis, and …) that would be involved in getting surgery.
Basically, I don’t feel at all confident in saying it is never a thing I will want that badly, but it’s definitely not where I’m at just now. It’s a complicated thing to navigate, though, even now.