I wrote a while back about how gender presentation can often be perceived as relative to a person’s (also perceived) sex and/or gender. The same outfit may be seen as kinda girly on someone perceive as a man, but kinda butch on someone perceived as a woman.
The thing is that, for me at least, and I’m sure for some other people (though definitely not all) it is pretty clear that my own gender *identity* is itself relative. Or rather, my gender is as much a product of my cultural context as it is an inherent part of who I am.
What I mean when I say this is that I really don’t believe that a genderqueer identity would necessarily be best for me in all possible contexts. In part, this is simply because in many historical contexts, it simply would not have been an option or something that had even occurred to me, but I don’t think it is impossible to be genderqueer in a sense even without using the concept of genderqueerness to describe it. It’s just that I wouldn’t necessarily always *be* that.
I think that there are narratives and contexts in which I would comfortably be a trans man. And I think that there are narratives and contexts in which I would comfortably identify as a woman. I’m not really sure how to explain that in a way that would make sense to someone who doesn’t feel this way, but there are a few things that I think contribute to it.
For one thing, my gender identity as a non-binary person, the person I am here and now, has very little to do with my body. I do not have major body dysphoria, and that which I do have comes from the ways in which others’ perceptions of my body causes other respond to and to treat me. When I am by myself, or with those I trust, my body just is, and is unproblematic at worst.
Which is to say that my gender identity is not rooted in my body (though I know that for many people, both cisgender and trans*, it is). Nor is it, I believe, an inherent to my mind. I also believe that to some people, their identity does seem directly rooted in their self, but for me, it is definitely something that has arisen from the ways in which I interact with the world around me, and the feedback I get from the world around me about who I am, and where I fit in this particular context.
The thing is that the categories of “man”, and “woman”, and those of any other gender category that exists, simply aren’t static. And it is possible for the definitions of those categories to include me. it’s just that in the context that I am living, they don’t. And so I reject them for myself. I find it easier to simply be myself when I let go of trying to be in the categories my culture has given me. I find it easier to ignore the messages about who I “should” be based on superficial factors.
For me, it is the utility and comfort I get from identifying outside the gender binary that makes my identity “real”, and also vitally important. And the fact that in a different context the shape of that identity and the I fit into society might look different doesn’t change the reality that I am living today.