Brief Thought: Demisexuality and Hormonal Birth Control

Do you ever have a moment where two completely unrelated things in your suddenly collide in your brain and make you see something you
hadn’t before? Yeah, that happened to me last week.

I was talking to a friend about hormonal birth control, which I’ve been on in various (though all pill) forms for the last decade, with one exception. I went off the pill for about three or four months a couple of years ago, basically just because I had been on it for so long I had no sense of what my base-line might even be if I wanted to judge whether it was having any impact on me (beyond, like, preventing ovulation etc.)

The things I was watching out for included:

  • changes in libido, and also in my physical sexual responses
  • changes in who I found attractive (because apparently this can change drastically?)
  • general changes in mood, depression symptoms, etc.

Long story short, there was no noticeable impact on any of things for me off the pill vs. on it, and so I went back on and have continued on my merry way ever since.

But I was specifically asked the other day about whether it had an impact on my experience of attraction toward other people, because the person I was talking had found it completely changed the way they had felt about their partner at the time, I think?

It wasn’t until quite a bit later that I realized that it is seriously possible that the fact that the pill doesn’t affect me in this way may be related to me being demisexual? Because I very much get the sense that the thing the pill can change are what features cause primary sexual attraction to happen for a person, and since I don’t experience primary sexual attraction in the first place, my experience of it didn’t change.

Like, whoa. Of course.


  1. That makes a lot of sense. I’very noticed the opposite, that my emotional wellbeing impacts all of those points as in when I’m not okay I go from rarely interested to not at all.

    1. That for sure makes sense! I think most people find their interest in sex fluctuates with mood/stress, though the way that works can vary pretty wildly. I do for sure think that if any of those other factors had been affected by going off the pill, it might have impacted my experience of desire, but I’m not sure if it would have changed the way I experience attraction, if that makes sense?

        1. Basically that yes. I really just mean that the people I am attracted to on hbc are the same people I am attracted to off it. Which apparently actually isn’t true for everyone!

  2. I’ve found that without the pill, my libido fluctuates VERY wildly (which I don’t enjoy at all), and has me craving a lot of sensory input, not even of a particularly sexual nature. I want to hit and be hit; be yelled at; be tightly bound; be asphyxiated; flail around; I want to float and then to come crashing down.

    The way birth control affects attraction and libido is verrrrry bizarre stuff.

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