Talking about my gender is boring: a paradox of blogging about gender

I write about gender a lot. And I write about *my* gender a lot, specifically. And I enjoy it. It’s been an important useful exercise for me, and I know that sometimes my writing is validating and useful to other people too. I have no intention of stopping any time soon.

And yet. It’s also true that I am almost universally annoyed or disappointed when people take my genderqueerness as an invitation to turn me into their personal gender 101 instructor.

A lot of this comes from the fact that I have been over this. I have said my piece on gender in so many ways, here and elsewhere. And I keep doing it over again, whenever I do have the energy (hey there, 30-week genderqueer challenge that I am doing right now!). If you want to understand this stuff better, here look, I wrote it down for you already so I don’t need to be able to come up with exactly the right words in the moment. I don’t like to do this shit on demand. Because that is hard and exhausting, and often a losing battle.

I hate the entitlement of people wanting a special individualized repetition of shit I’ve been over, that I’m done with, and that I honestly just want to have behind me. I mostly don’t care about the 101 anymore, to be honest. Like, sure, you just want to learn, but I’ve already done the work of education in the area you’re asking me about and I don’t feel like doing it again. So if your desire to learn doesn’t extend to being willing to google a thing (or seriously even just asking me to send you some links is fine. I can do that for you), then I’m already tired of you.

The thing is, yes, I am genderqueer. And yes, obviously I do work for genderqueer visibility and education in many ways, a lot of the time. I am also a person, with other actual hobbies and interests, though. And sometimes I want to be related to around those things, instead of someone being all like “oh, you’re genderqueer? I’ve heard about that existing and now that I’ve got one of you in front of me, answer all of the questions I’ve been too lazy to bother following up on in my own time!”

I didn’t tell you I’m genderqueer because I want to fucking talk about it at length. I did it so you would stop misgendering me, and get back to whatever else we were doing. That is all.


  1. I don’t get many genderqueer-specific questions, obviously, but the stuff I do get asked? I too am SO OVER 101-level ish. Srsly. If you haven’t yet passed Gender 101, Race in America 101, “What Is Rape Culture, Anyway???” 101 [AT LEAST], yeah — we ain’t got much to discuss.

    And if you want me to be your own personal, google-on-demand? You better have given me a kidney, or your first born, or a whole passel of CO.pletle domesticated (and litterbox-trained) Pallas Cat kittens.


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