I don’t know what to put here

I had a post scheduled for today, but it seems pretty useless right now, and it can wait.

To all those affected by the US election: There are no words for the amount of terror and heartsickness that many of you are feeling today. I find myself once again this year in the foggy mental space of I-can’t-feel-the-truth-of-this-yet. As much as I know how I do/will feel about this most terrible new Trump presidency, I can’t feel it yet – my weird emotional coping mechanisms are on it for now.

The coming days, and weeks, months, and years seem so impossibly, unbearably bleak. I want to fold you all up in my arms and keep you safe, but right now I am just at a loss.

You are all in my heart today. I wish I had more than that, but right now I don’t. Please be safe, lovelies.


  1. It’s…devastating. Still processing myself, and watching coworkers process. I moved into a shared office recently. I sit with four other women, two are women of color, one wears a hijab. The sixth person in the office is a man of color, and an immigrant, not yet a citizen. There are three queer people on our floor. My boss is a POC, and my boss’s boss is white but his children are not. Half of the people in my PhD program are POC, particularly from the middle east – there are a lot of Muslims in my program, who I’m really worried about along with my Muslim colleague, and also a large number of Chinese students. Those are the people I’m surrounded with today, and the people I keep interacting with.

    Three of my closest friends identify as gay or lesbian. Members of my family have married POC and have children who are also POC. I know a lot of feminists, atheists, people with disabilities. I know and am worried for an illegal immigrant who has been here for many years, working several jobs to try to support his family.

    I keep thinking about all of these people, and as much as I feel their pain…I’m also reminded that my department, my unit, my academic program, my friends and my acquaintances are wonderfully diverse. I count myself as lucky to be able to work and go through school and go through life with a solidly diverse group of really wonderful people.

    And I think maybe that’s why I’m so shocked right now. I’m surrounded by the kinds of people who don’t support the sort of ideas and rhetoric that people who voted for Trump do. I knew people like that existed and were out there, but they seemed like beings from a faraway land who could never really hurt me or anyone I care about. I knew Trump was a threat, but I thought Clinton would squeak through.

    How wrong I was. Change is coming, and it’s not going to be good. Today I’m processing, but by January, I’ll be ready to fight.

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